“For better or worse,
for richer or for poorer
in sickness and in health,
forsaking all others,
’til death do us part.”
That’s the vow that we make when we marry. But what does the “for better or worse” mean for those who marry where there are inter-cultural or cross-cultural differences involved (either racially, culturally or in their ethnicity)? Are there added “costs” that need to be considered as they work to unite together as “one” in their marital partnership?
We’re told by Jesus how important it is to “count the cost” when we become his followers. Whatever vow we enter into, there are important matters to consider before we make solemn promises. And that’s especially true of those of us who enter into marriage.
“Those who marry will face many troubles in this life; I want to spare you this” is the warning the Apostle Paul gave (1 Corinthians 7) those who are active Kingdom workers who are considering marriage. As he said, “A married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided.”
Woven into the nature of marriage, you have to care for the needs of your spouse in order for the “two to become one” as Jesus told us to do. And for this reason, there are times when your interests will show its natural divide — those interests which will need to be bridged somehow. This will take intentionality and work.
But there are other times where a spouse, when you work in unity with God as partners, can help you to do God’s work in a multiplied way. And that can sometimes, but not always, be true of those who cross-culturally marry.
As you “count the cost” of marrying cross-culturally (or maybe you are already married and need help), we pray the following articles below will provide you with additional points to prayerfully consider. Please click onto the links provided below to read:
In the following Crosswalk.com article, author, Marla Alupoaicei, gives examples of intercultural marriages in history, as well as examples from the Bible and ”a summary of Biblical teaching on intercultural marriage.”:
• A BIBLICAL LOOK AT INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES
In this SouthAsianConnection.com article Brother R. Stanley, with his Indian background, tackles the questions of cross-cultural marriages, as well as arranged ones:
• ARRANGED MARRIAGE AND CROSS-CULTURAL MARRIAGE
Erik Tryggestad highlights the marriages of several missionary couples where he points out problems as well as positive aspects of their Cross-cultural relationships in this Christianchronicle.org article:
• THE BETTER AND WORSE OF CROSS-CULTURAL MARRIAGES
The following article is one we have posted on the Marriage Missions web site, which gives insights on this issue from the book, Called Together
• INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES: IS MY WAY THE RIGHT WAY?
JW shares the ups and downs of being married to someone from a different culture. He writes,
“If being married to someone from your own culture is hard work, then being married to someone from another culture is harder work. Commitment and communication (not the warm feelings of first love) are the keys to making a marriage that will last. But effective communication will require overcoming language and culture gaps — and you may not see the gaps in advance (even if you should).” (Posted on Japanwindow.com.)
To learn more, please read:
• LOVE AND MARRIAGE — JAPANESE AND AMERICAN
Dr Harold L. Arnold, Jr, gives insight in the following Focusonthefamily.com articles explaining that,
“External stressors are magnified in cross cultural marriages because of disappointments when cultural assumptions are unmet. Developing a shared identity is the key to growth.”
Dr Arnold then goes onto explain a 3-step process to help build relationship bridges. To learn more, please read:
• TEN TIPS FOR PROTECTING YOUR CROSS-CULTURAL MARRIAGE
• OVERCOMING ROLE CONFUSION AND BOUNDARY THREATS
— ALSO —
The ministry of Family Life Today hosted a radio broadcast series aired on March 11 and March 12, 2010 where Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine interviewed Maria Alupoaicei, on the subject of “Your Intercultural Marriage.” Below are web site links where you can listen to the broadcasts:
This article was compiled by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International
If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.